Build You Up
by Adreus
Summary: alternate ending to episode 96 — I'd open up my heart to you and let you crawl inside; I'll build you up when you break down. —Yuma, Ryoga, Kaito. Vector.


_i'd open up my heart to you and let you crawl inside,_

_make it warm and safe for you,_

_clean these dirty hands for you,_

_love life and live long for you,_

_i'll **build you up** when you break down._

* * *

The sky breaks in two, a crack splitting it in half straight down the middle, and then it starts to break into pieces around him, below him, as Sargasso melts away and Yuma melts away with it. Stars around him burst into sparks; the old, broken fragments of ships call out with their horns; and somewhere, in the back of Yuma's mind, vague, unrecognized voices call out his name, but he can't see the people they come from, can't see anything now, because he's falling again, falling, falling, and no one's here to catch him, because no one will ever catch him again, no one will ever trust him again, lest he drag them down with him by their ankles.

He speaks, suddenly, his mouth moving to form the word but his throat not voicing it, and the last thing that Yuma gets out before he's gone is:

"_I'm scared_."

* * *

Yuma wakes up and blinks the sunlight out of his eyes, and for once he slept well; didn't have any dreams, which can probably be attributed to the fact that he thought he was dead.

(Which would be better, because death is like sleep and sleep is the closest he'll ever get to drawing inside himself, to shrinking away and ceasing to exist and never screwing it up for anyone else ever again, and Shark must hate him, Kaito must hate him, Astral must _despise_ him, and Kotori and Cathy and Tetsuo and Tokunosuke and Takashi and Shinge—)

Yuma lets out a wail, a choked, scared sob, and closes his eyes so hard they hurt and curls up to himself under the blankets, and he shivers and quivers and quakes, and pulling the covers over his face so he's hot and the air is closed off and shallow, he starts to cry.

"Hey," a voice speaks then, and Yuma freezes, because who is that, why is that, and, wait, when'd he get here, anyway, into the safety and comfort of his own bed? Who brought him here, who cared enough? "He's awake."

It's gentle, it's smooth, he knows it, he...

Yuma peaks out meekly from under the blankets, his eyes red and tired, and sees the person seated in the chair in front of the desk, one hand turning over his shark fang necklace, the other holding a gazer out in front of him. Shark nods at it, says, "Okay," and then his eyes turn to Yuma, and he's got bags under them and a tired, worn face, and at seeing Yuma his lips part a little like he's not sure what to say and his hands ball into fists and Yuma is scared, hides under the covers again. Maybe if he hides Shark will leave him alone and go away and Yuma will disappear.

"Yuma," Shark says softly instead, and there's the creak of the chair as his weight leaves it, and Shark hates him, he _has _to hate him, because Shark risked everything for Yuma and it was all for nothing, it was a dumb, stupid trap and dumb, stupid Yuma fell right into it—

"Hey," says Shark again, and he's quiet, and he's warm, "Yuma. It's okay. We made it back home, we're all in one piece."

But did they? Are they? Couldn't this, too, be a trick by Vector, couldn't he be on his knees in Sargasso, Astral calling his name but Yuma too ignorant, too stupid and dumb to respond? Isn't it Vector that could take Yuma and lull him so deeply into a sense of security that—

(—is it just Vector, can't it be everyone, is Astral manipulating him, too, isn't that what 96 was all about, isn't 96 one of Astral's memories?—)

Yuma chokes at the thought, buries his face further in the pillow and wishes for all the world that there was no world for him to live in. It would be better for everyone: for Shark and for Astral and for Kaito, for Alit and for Gilag, for Nee-chan and for Vector, everyone would be better off, everyone would be happier and safer and—

The covers are yanked away from him, and Yuma shrieks, snatches up his pillow and holds it out in front of him like a shield, or maybe just as something for him to hold onto and hide behind, and Shark is confused, backs away with his palms empty and held up - _I don't have anything here to hurt you with _- and this is a trick, isn't it? Just another plot, another game, isn't Shark just pretending to put up with him now?

"D-Don't—"

Shark shakes his head, like he can't believe this—or doesn't want to, and he says slowly, bewildered, "Yuma, I'm not going to hurt you."

And Yuma feels inside him the scary glint of hope in his heart, and he shakes his head furiously, because, no, he - he _wants_ to believe him, but he doesn't want that want, and even if Shark is real, even if he's true, does it matter? Yuma's already ruined it, tarnished their friendship with lies and with secrecy and his idiocy, and his mouth opens to say something but it sticks in his throat and when Shark says his name again all that stumbles out is a choked, "Sorry."

"Sorry," says Yuma, and he can't look Shark in the eyes, and he pushes himself up and off the bed and he says again, "Sorry," and he stands and he mutters, "Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry," and his voice gets softer and he loses himself in his stupor and Yuma finds himself stumbling for the exit and Shark rises from the chair, "Hey, wait—" and Yuma inhales sharply and bolts out the door.

He runs; out his door and down the hall and maybe he hears someone behind him and maybe he doesn't; he skids down the stairs and nearly falls two times and there's Obomi and seeing her feels almost surreal; he freezes, tries to process her presence, and she calls him a fool and his heart, already beating hard against his chest (it wants to escape this skin, he wants to escape this skin, he wants to go _home_ but this isn't the home to which he wants to go back), leaps into his throat and he's going to be sick.

He looks this way and that way with wide, wild eyes and the walls are closing in on him, and Shark's calling him, laughing at him,_ Yuma, Yuma, fool, fool_, and he needs to escape, he needs to leave, and Yuma makes for the front door and struggles with the lock and it takes longer because he keeps looking behind him and it takes longer because his hands are shaking (he's shivering and quaking but there's nothing to make him cold). He locks the door and tries to open it and he unlocks it and tries again and with what feels like an enormous amount of effort it finally pulls out and he's still muttering to himself, still whispering, "_sorry, sorry, sorry_," _sorry about me sorry for what I do to you sorry for ever bothering you, _and the door flies open and Yuma flies out with his eyes shut tight and fists forming, and he runs straight into something, to someone, living and breathing and letting out a yelp of surprise, but he doesn't fall over because they catch him, as though Yuma were going for an embrace, doesn't fall over because they catch him, keep him steady and standing.

Yuma looks up and there is Kaito, staring down at him, his lips parted in surprise and brow furrowed and his arms around Yuma, and he pulls Yuma up and lets him go and he sees Yuma's terrified red eyes and his snotty scrunched up face and he's probably disgusted, more disgusted than he's ever been before.

"Yuma," he says, and then he does it, he asks the stupid, ridiculous question, "What's wrong?"—what's _right?_—and Yuma tries to run around him, remembers the last time this happened (the sun was setting, he remembers the sun setting when Kaito came and slapped him to his senses but he didn't hit him hard enough, did he) but he fails because Shark is behind him now, and Shark catches hold of Yuma right at his middle and Yuma screams and struggles and thrashes around, hits Shark in the jaw with his elbow but Shark doesn't let go, Shark doesn't let go.

"Yu—Yuma!" Shark tries to gasp out, and the name sounds foreign all of a sudden, so many people saying it so many times, is that really who he is, is he Yuma, because he doesn't feel like he is, doesn't know who Yuma is, doesn't know if he would ever want to be him. They tumble to the ground. "Yuma, calm down!"

And then there's Kaito in between them, trying to set them apart and taking Yuma's shoulders and saying his name, the string of arbitrary letters and sounds, to which Yuma responds each time, "Sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!", strangled cries that sound less and less human, sound more like the horrified echo from earlier, _Shingetsu, Shingetsu, Shingetsu_.

Finally, Kaito stops yelling and Shark stops yelling and there's their silence and they aren't trying to hold him anymore. Kaito lets go and Yuma falls back to the ground and lands in Shark's arms and it's just him screaming his apologies and sobbing and the two of them watching him, and Yuma opens his eyes and his throat hurts and his vision hurts and his heart hurts and finally, Kaito asks, softly, "What is it that you're so sorry for?"

"You must..." Yuma whispers, hiccuping, "...You must hate me."

And there's an awful, painful beat where Kaito and Shark share a look and it's terrifying and he wants to sleep, he wants to sleep forever and never have to look at them again because it _hurts_, it hurts seeing them communicating with each other and it hurts seeing them caring about each other and it just hurts. Everything hurts and everything is scary and everything is too much.

Kaito takes his hands.

"No," he says after a moment, and he seems to decide something, says, "Yuma. I like you."

And he pauses, and he adds, after some thought and a nod that is more to himself than to Yuma, "I like you a lot. You're my... you're my friend."

And Shark chimes in, and Yuma jumps, because he's so close and Yuma had forgotten how close, Yuma had forgotten the sound of Shark's voice saying anything but his name, "You're the most important friend I've ever had."

And they are sincere; they are sincere, this he should be able to tell, because Kaito is smiling and Kaito never smiles like that at him, never with the pain so obvious in his eyes, never with the strain so obvious in his cheeks; and Ryoga isn't looking at him, and when he does that it means he's embarrassed to admit what he is admitting, embarrassed of anyone seeing the naked truth in his eyes; and Yuma wants to believe them, wants to believe them so desperately that it feels like his heart wants to burst out of his chest and hide inside theirs', stay there forever hidden in their warmth and protection and love.

He wants to believe them. He really does. He wants to believe that Kaito and Ryoga are still his friends, ever were his friends, he wants to believe that this is real and this isn't a trick, he wants to believe that he is worth something, but—

Believing would be thinking positively.


End file.
